here's the thing.  i know there's going to be a lot of thoughts about this that read something like "get a grip, whine-ass, you're only digging yourself in deeper", but what good is having a journal if you don't tell the truth?

i wrote many pages behind a haze of tears, and thankfully i'm not connected to the interwebz at home so you may never get to read them.  but the truth is i feel a lot like that commercial... "where does depression hurt? ... everywhere" because lately it seems like nothing is good.  everything hurts, people are stupid, i'm worthless, and after all this struggle and bullshit we end up dying anyway.

it's a lot like this:

(and yes, allie brosh is jesus)

the point is, it's hard to keep myself on the level lately, between crying jags and listless afternoons hiding in bed.  so if i've been a pain in the ass, rude, mopey, or useless, i'm sorry.  i'm just so tired, and tired of being lonely, and so tired.  so so tired.

anyway, here's some current obsessions (also known as, planning my afternoon):

ps. one of these days you're probably going to wake up and realize whatever it was you think i did to you (said, wrote, whatever) i didn't do.  i hope you do, anyway.  because that's the truth.  there's no crime that could fit this punishment.  and that's all i'll say on the subject today.